Light at the end of the tunnel

The current situation has rendered a lot of lessons for everyone. Everyone has understood something or the other. Some people haven't learned anything and I feel it's fine, not everyone is bound to be learning something in this time of isolation. Earlier, the saints, gurus, or the yogis would go into isolation to practice meditation, to achieve a greater connection with the Higher source. Perhaps they did find something, perhaps they found they looked for. The definition may be different but we all are finding something, some questions need to be answered, consciously or unconsciously, we want something which is not materialistic, it is purely spiritual. What is it? You have to find out, only if you have the will to do so. 

I will not be going into any deeper conversation about what the meaning of life is or what I am finding. I have observed something so simple yet astounding in this period of isolation. Even before the quarantine started I was in quarantine for a month. I lost my grandmother in February. Indeed it was a loss that I deeply felt. When there is someone who you care for and at the same time you see them suffering every day from an illness, a battle goes on within. A dilemma that is so difficult to describe. Fear and stress coupled with delight to have them around, I think it perfectly explains how I felt. She passed away after a long illness, 7 years to be precise. She had dementia, she did not recognize any of us not even her sons. This pain is very arduous to put in words. The mental stress was never unambiguous in loving her. Our whole house revolved around her, as she could eat or drink herself, we would feed her, like a baby. Towards the end, she became a baby. It is indeed true that when you reach a ripe age, you become a baby again, pure and innocent. I would always observe my other family members taking care of her, because of my limited mobility, I really couldn't do much and that is a guilt that I felt and will feel. I watch Turkish shows a lot and in Turkish, a grandmother is called "baba anneme", I would call her that and I miss calling her that. As I write this, my eyes are getting wet again because that's who she was, a woman who impacted my life greatly. She led a great life, a life that we all will look upon. The struggle and success that she achieved in this life is something that we will cherish. It still feels that she is blessing us but looking at that empty bed of hers still reminds me of her sitting position and how we sat around her while she ate. 

During this time, I saw my family hurting but sticking together. It's like God gave us strength from an unknown place. The strength that we didn't know we had. It was painful to see her difficulty, she was struggling to breathe and it hurts to revive that image in my mind. I'm very sure, she is resting in peace. People die when you stop missing them and according to that definition, I don't think my grandmother will ever die, or any of my grandparents. They are probably all chilling in heaven, who knows what happens afterlife? After being exhausted from the hustle of living, breathing in fact. My faith is in 'Rehman' hence I feel if you're true and good with Him and His creation, nothing should scare you. Do good get good, a simple rule to go by. 

Corona occurred after that and it pains me to see people losing lives, their loved ones aren't there with them in their last time. What if my grandmother would have passed later, in the time of COVID-19 and we couldn't see her for the last time? Or worse, what if she would have been infected with Corona? How hard would that be? There is light at the end of every dark tunnel, it's true and not just a dialogue any more. Our mind is inapt and narrow to grasp the planning of God but He is a master at it, indeed He is the best of planners.

Please make a little prayer for my grandmother and all those who lost their lives due to Corona Virus. May this madness comes to an end soon.