Learning to hold a pen post-surgery and rediscovering the gratification that comes with it...

 Everything has a purpose and I have been a firm believer in it throughout my life. Sometimes it is difficult to find the light in the gloom but it is the only way out. With all the educational institutions closed down, the students are not forced to study at home through online lectures. There is a lot of buzz regarding the same issue. However, I have been studying privately, through the internet and online lectures for the past four years and it is worked quite well. After a sabbatical of around six years, I started studying again. Although it took a lot of persistence and courage now I feel it was all worth it. All the nights of fearing what would happen at the examination center, what if the wheelchair is not accessible to the examination center, would I be able to write the paper on the table below or higher to my wheelchair level. Many things made me even more skeptical but sometimes it just takes a leap of faith and God holds your hand, clearing up all the blockages in your path. It is not easy; fear can sometimes dominate your optimism and faith. Fear is fueled by our lack of belief and excess of care. Despite the odds, I did take the plunge into deep waters, perhaps relying only on Him.

I stopped studying because of my ailment, a month before my final examinations. I was supposed to appear for O levels in May/June session and March-April; I was rushed into two major surgeries because of an emergency. Nobody saw it coming, not even my doctor who was treating me. There was a messed-up situation that led to a halt in my education. There was no time to mourn the inability to give my examinations after so much preparation because my body was going through something very painful, a very overwhelming change, it's like my body was turning alien to my brain.

Later, the inefficient rehabilitation facilities held me back from continuing my education. After a lot of trial treatments, a chiropractor finally helped me develop a new grip to hold a pen to consequently continue my studies. I was very cynical to start my studies again due to the loss of my hand's grip, I couldn't hold the pen. However, the chiropractic made me hold the pen in between my middle and engagement-ring fingers and write with the new grip. Initially, I started holding a wide board marker. I would write on a whiteboard to practice the new grip. Slowly, I shifted to a pencil and finally, to a pen. The most important part was my enthusiasm to be able to write again. I felt empowered in a way I had never felt before. The ability to write was somehow the pathway to regain my confidence. If I hadn't fallen sick, I would have never realized how important holding a pen can be! When your brain sends an electrical stimulus to your fingers to tighten the grip over the pen and you work your way to write, it is magical if you have the foresight to grasp its spirit. Being able to write my answers on an answer sheet is one of the biggest achievements of my life to date. Ever since I restarted writing, my oldest hobby was resumed too: writing and maintaining a diary. Writing down my feelings, thoughts, important events of my life in a diary is cathartic and therapeutic. It helps me keep my inner writer active when I'm not sharing or publishing my work. Have you ever thought about how awesome it is to write things down with your hand? I bet, no. These tiny blessings are truly the most consequential. Cherish them.

This is how I write now: